Paths

To help maintain my relationship with my daughter, and compete with the demands of adolescence and her iPhone, I have started to discover some local Ordnance Survey maps with her. It makes me think about the paths we take, not just physically, but metaphorically. And, although we occasionally diverge, with the right approach, and however long it takes, we often meet again.... Stronger.

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to relate to my beautiful daughter Josselin. As she grows older and more independent she becomes more aloof, and I become more irrelevant. I've heard many other parents talk of this temporary, but normal and natural process, and how profound it can be. I now find myself living through it. I guess that's the challenge of parenting, as each stage is so distinct..... and you wish them all away in the naive belief the next one will be easier. It never is, it's just different. It doesn't help that I try to rectify this increasing gap between us by acting cool and connectable. I've realised this just makes me look even more of an idiot than I actually am. I've decided It's best to just try and be myself - a dad. Ironic really, as that's what I desperately want her to do in the face of the world's pressures....just be herself.

Anyway, to try and find common ground in which to spend time, we have agreed to explore some local ordnance survey walks together. It's been a goal of mine to try and find a route that leaves our front door and then returns to the top of our field in a circular loop. There's something so much more pleasurable about a route in which you don't go back on yourself. There are mapped paths that suggest this is possible, albeit with a little modification, however they are untrodden by the contemporary boot, and most likely impossible to find amongst the encroaching brambles. What's more, they involve some steep climbs and the odd ravine. Undeterred, we agreed to see what we could muster, and started our exploration on a wet winter Sunday.

The path in mind starts a short distance down the country road in front of the house, and quickly meanders into a large wooded area called “Big Wood”. To help with the navigation, I was using a recently purchased ordnance survey app on my phone, that plots your location via GPS on an annotated map. We were able to quickly find the track which, although overgrown, was recognisable and navigable. It was a beautiful path that had a magical woodland feel to it as the trees swayed eerily in the breeze, and the various streams traversed the mossy terrain. The experience was made even more joyous by the brief appearance of the sun, which sent laser beams of light through the outstretched arms of the tall firs.

As we climbed, the trees started to thin, and the boundary between the grass meadows and the woodland was cruelly marked by a rotting sheep that had ventured a little far from its flock. After a grim study of this lifeless decaying form, and then the inevitable discussion about nature and its brutality, we stopped to dip our hands into the cold water of a nearby mountain stream. Josselin has always had an affinity with wild woods and the magic of streams, mushrooms and majestic trees. It was lovely to see her relaxed and at home in this dramatic setting, away from her mobile phone and the insular, disingenuous and addictive pull of Tick Tock.

The disappearing path, now becoming ever steeper over the neatly grazed meadows, soon became redefined again as we edged a farmers field, full of curious sheep. It was comical to see them all turn their heads at us, in an almost choreographed motion. As we passed the audience of sheep, I could see the vast and brutal shell of an agricultural building appear on the horizon. As we moved closer it became clear we were entering a remote hillside farm, and the frontier between a wild carefree ramble and trespassing had been inevitably reached. I always seem to arrive at this juncture when I follow such routes, and end up in a nervous state of indecision as I decide what to do next. According to the ordnance survey path, we had a right to continue through these buildings, and then descend on the other side towards our own field. It was a tense moment as I weighed up the options, as the corrugated structure moaned in the wind and Josselin pleaded that we took a different route.

Eventually we decided to err on the side of caution, and retraced our steps back to the woodland and the dead sheep, where I thought we may be able to wrestle some brambles and cut through to an established forestry commission path that we had walked many times. It turned out to be more of a fight than a wrestle, and we soon got into a bit of a pickle. Although I was getting hacked to pieces by giant thorny brambles, it created plenty of amusement for Josselin, who laughed at my attempts to clear the way as the rain pelted down and I tripped and cursed. With ripped trousers and bloody legs, I managed to eventually find the path, and we were in familiar territory. Wet, tired and cold, we unanimously agreed to call it a day and head back for a slice of cake and a dribble of cream in front of the fire, and perhaps try again next week.

It was a lovely interlude, and a precious and rare moment in time with my little girl. I know I will lose her every now and again, as she works out her own path in this world, and grows into a woman - and the onus is on me to manage this. I just need to make sure that I'm always waiting for her on the other side and, more importantly, that shes happy to see me. I love you Jossy x